I've never paid much attention to insurance.
Work provides, they take some money, I've got it just in case.
I go to the Dr for my annual exam once a year. That's about it. We don't get sick much, we don't need it much. What my friend J calls "the american health plan - just don't get sick".
My company got bought about 5 years ago and changed insurance networks (where we live it's IHC or everyone else, I'd always been on IHC). So I found a new dr that took the new insurance. And amazingly, I like her. She's the only dr I've EVER liked.
So guess what, I found out last Friday they are changing the insurance back to IHC. It's actually a better plan, but the only doctor on the new plan is DSS's pediatrician. My dr isn't on it, neither is DH's dr, the dentist or DSS's orthodontist. We can deal with most of that.
But, if I do manage to get pregnant, and my doctor is out of network, it will cost me $6000 instead of a couple hundred in office visit copays! And I DON'T want to change doctors - I really like her...
Why can't Obama and the congress fix the health insurance so it's not company dependent? It seems so wrong to me. Or get rid of the networks or something.
It's not fair! It's not fair to make me change doctors when I finally have one I like. It's not fair to make me pay $6000 more to stay with my doctor.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Recipes
Recipes (well, written directions in general) tend to be a challenge for DSS. Maybe they are for anyone with ADHD? I don't know. DSS does much better with oral directions, one at a time.
Since it's hard for him, it's something we practice on occasion. DSS kind of likes cooking. We'll, it's nearly Christmas, so last night we made some chocolate fudge -- he wanted to do it the "real" way (no marshallow creme here!).
I had him read the "general directions on fudge making" and the specific recipe before we started. Then he summarizes it before we start, so I know he understands the general idea. I made sure to point out that with candy making, you can't let it sit (it'll burn or get too cool or...), so he had to have everything ready to go. As usual, I had to say this about five times before he had everything ready. Except I forgot (as did he, of course) to calibrate the thermometer in boiling water - we live at a high altitude and this is standard practice to see how to adjust the candy temperatures, both for altitude and air pressure). So I explained the hardball, softball stages to him to use instead.
The fudge cooks and all is good. Now it's time for it too cool. He decides while it's cooling that he'll call and ask his mom a question; I remind him to be quick so he can do the fudge at the right time. He tells me he can stir and talk on the phone at the same time. I point out that I can't talk to him about it, nor can he read the directions, if he's talking on the phone. He's still on the phone and picks up the spoon and starts stirring the fudge. I walk over and take the spoon away - it's way too early! What is he thinking??? He gets off the phone and tells me he thought it was down to 110F so he started stirring. The thermometer clearly says 155F. So we talk about the thermometer divisions.
I don't get why he doesn't read the thermometer right. He's done it before, several times before, without a problem. This is a kid who is in honors math and science a grade level ahead! He's a grade level ahead but can't read a thermometer!!!
As it gets closer to time to beat the fudge, I remind him of what to do by re-reading him the couple sentences from the recipe. He says he's good. We've each got a magazine we're reading as we wait. Amazingly, he's pretty good at checking the temperature every few minutes. I got up to get some water and check and tell him it's at 113, so almost time... OK, he says. He checks it a minute or two later and it's time. So he goes to read the recipe again!
What! It's time to stir. You've read it 4-5 times now AND I just read it to you! And you don't know what to do! This is driving me nuts! You've got to stir it now! If you didn't know what to do next, why didn't you check when it was at 113F, so you'd have a minute to read it!!!
OK, so I didn't say that, but I thought it. I did leave the room and ask DH to help him finish. It was completely overwhelming to me to spend nearly 1.5 hours (yes, that long, cooking with DSS always takes twice as long as it could by myself) on candy just to ruin it by not knowing what to do.
ADHD is so contrary to my nature that it can be really hard. I was tired last night, it wasn't the best night to be doing cooking with DSS. I do much better in the coaching role when I'm not tired or frustrated about something else. But due to DSS's schedule between us and exwife, and his afterschool activity schedule, and the family Christmas parties, this was the last day we could make fudge before Christmas. So we did it anyway, and perhaps we shouldn't have (just for my frustration levels).
We were planning on doing it over the weekend, but DSS slept so late (12:30 on Sat, that might be a record), and dilly-dallied around till I told him we weren't going to make fudge until homework and chores were done. So then he started doing them, but didn't finish till 8 on Sunday, which was too late to start fudge.
On the bright side, DSS and DH finished up the fudge just fine.
On the other side, I feel like I ruined another interaction with DSS, as his ADHD tendency so frustrated me.
Since it's hard for him, it's something we practice on occasion. DSS kind of likes cooking. We'll, it's nearly Christmas, so last night we made some chocolate fudge -- he wanted to do it the "real" way (no marshallow creme here!).
I had him read the "general directions on fudge making" and the specific recipe before we started. Then he summarizes it before we start, so I know he understands the general idea. I made sure to point out that with candy making, you can't let it sit (it'll burn or get too cool or...), so he had to have everything ready to go. As usual, I had to say this about five times before he had everything ready. Except I forgot (as did he, of course) to calibrate the thermometer in boiling water - we live at a high altitude and this is standard practice to see how to adjust the candy temperatures, both for altitude and air pressure). So I explained the hardball, softball stages to him to use instead.
The fudge cooks and all is good. Now it's time for it too cool. He decides while it's cooling that he'll call and ask his mom a question; I remind him to be quick so he can do the fudge at the right time. He tells me he can stir and talk on the phone at the same time. I point out that I can't talk to him about it, nor can he read the directions, if he's talking on the phone. He's still on the phone and picks up the spoon and starts stirring the fudge. I walk over and take the spoon away - it's way too early! What is he thinking??? He gets off the phone and tells me he thought it was down to 110F so he started stirring. The thermometer clearly says 155F. So we talk about the thermometer divisions.
I don't get why he doesn't read the thermometer right. He's done it before, several times before, without a problem. This is a kid who is in honors math and science a grade level ahead! He's a grade level ahead but can't read a thermometer!!!
As it gets closer to time to beat the fudge, I remind him of what to do by re-reading him the couple sentences from the recipe. He says he's good. We've each got a magazine we're reading as we wait. Amazingly, he's pretty good at checking the temperature every few minutes. I got up to get some water and check and tell him it's at 113, so almost time... OK, he says. He checks it a minute or two later and it's time. So he goes to read the recipe again!
What! It's time to stir. You've read it 4-5 times now AND I just read it to you! And you don't know what to do! This is driving me nuts! You've got to stir it now! If you didn't know what to do next, why didn't you check when it was at 113F, so you'd have a minute to read it!!!
OK, so I didn't say that, but I thought it. I did leave the room and ask DH to help him finish. It was completely overwhelming to me to spend nearly 1.5 hours (yes, that long, cooking with DSS always takes twice as long as it could by myself) on candy just to ruin it by not knowing what to do.
ADHD is so contrary to my nature that it can be really hard. I was tired last night, it wasn't the best night to be doing cooking with DSS. I do much better in the coaching role when I'm not tired or frustrated about something else. But due to DSS's schedule between us and exwife, and his afterschool activity schedule, and the family Christmas parties, this was the last day we could make fudge before Christmas. So we did it anyway, and perhaps we shouldn't have (just for my frustration levels).
We were planning on doing it over the weekend, but DSS slept so late (12:30 on Sat, that might be a record), and dilly-dallied around till I told him we weren't going to make fudge until homework and chores were done. So then he started doing them, but didn't finish till 8 on Sunday, which was too late to start fudge.
On the bright side, DSS and DH finished up the fudge just fine.
On the other side, I feel like I ruined another interaction with DSS, as his ADHD tendency so frustrated me.
First one...
Well, here goes. My first blog post.
In all honesty, I never thought that I would write a blog, but recently I've been reading them and I think I've come to understand the point. Whether anyone reads this is not my concern. I'm hoping the the process will help me process and understand my feelings better.
So, I'm a stepmom. I started dating DH 9 years ago, when DSS was about 5. We go married 4 years ago, and DSS is not 14! How fast time flies. DSS is with us 50% of the time.
My parents divorced when I was 18, but they hadn't been happy for years and years before that. I told myself there was no point to marriage. But I met DH and my clear path in life became confused. I loved him and knew I wanted to marry him and love him forever. But I never expected I would take on the role of stepmother...
As I grew closer and closer to DH and DSS, it became apparent that DSS had some issues. DH thought it was due to ex-wife, as she was/is extremely permissive and didn't have clear rules, expectations, or discipline. Poor DH - he tried to create rules and discipline, but got told he was wrong so many time that he gave up (ex-wife - you need to watch Supernanny!!). After they separated, he started making some inroads, but it was slow going. At age 7, DSS wouldn't even sit at the table for the length of a meal. Some people suggested to me that it could be ADHD, but DH was convinced it was lack of parenting. We parented, we tried to be clear, I read book after book on ADHD and we incorporated many of those ideas into our home. There are still issues, but it's much better than it was.
A year ago, DSS was really struggling in school - keeping track of papers and homework had become nearly impossible for him due the increased demands of his middle school. He was so frustrated that he'd be in tears if you tried to discuss it. We hired a personal organizer with experience with ADHD to help out. And it did help -- it reduced missing assignments by about 60% over 6 months. Why didn't you take him to a doc and get real help, you ask? Because that is the obvious clear path to helping DSS through this. It took me a while to convince DH that was the right thing to do (he's pretty anti-medication, due to unknown potential longterm side effects). After I convinced him, he had to try to convince ex-wife (medications or changes recommended by a doc would need to be done in both homes). He'd tried to talk to her over the years about discipline, to no avail (big surprise as they couldn't agree on it when they were married). The talk about getting an ADHD evaluation failed dramatically. And so it goes - the clear path to helping DSS and reducing his and my frustrations is once again obscured).
So, that's part 1 - stepmom to a 14 year old with probably ADHD.
Part 2 - Infertility
2007 - Ongoing discussion of a child together, not sure when would be good timing.
Jan 2008 - preconception checkup at annual exam, just to make sure...
Spring 2008 - We threw out the birth control and condoms. On our way to the next phase! :)
Mar 2009 - annual exam, no pregancy yet. Dr suggest charting BBT and to come back after a couple charts/cycles. She also suggested a semen analysis for DH.
Mar 2009 - My first chart wasn't great - I hated the idea of setting the alarm a little before I woke up, as I wanted the sleep, So I didn't temp every day and the chart wasn't clear.
May 2009 - By now I'm temping consistently, but May is so wacko I don't understand the chart and think I must have screwed something up. DH finally does Semen Analysis - the report is fantastic (great - that means it's my fault!)
June-July 2009 - decent charts, but no baby.
Aug 2009 - family vacation (in a tent!) during the fertile period. Not happening this month, darn it.
Sept 2009 - I knew I should go back in to see Dr, but didn't want to admit to myself that I might be inferile. Produced a great looking chart.
Oct 2009 - Another great chart, no baby.
Oct 2009 - appt with Dr. Wow, she's confused. Charts look good. Clear biphasic shift, good luteal phase, etc, etc. Why aren't I pregnant by now? She faxes them to a RE at the reproductive clinic. RE suggests I come in for a consult, as I probably have "unexplained infertility".
Now let me just stop here and say I hate the words "unexplained infertility". All it means is that you aren't pregnant and they don't know why. If you know one thing about me, know that I dislike uncertainty. I like to plan so things go how they should. Nothing about unexplained infertility coincides with my nature or personality.
Dec 2009 - appt with RE. He reiterated it is likely unexplained infertility, which could be me or could be something about how compatible DH's semen is with me. Scheduled day 10 progesterone bloodwork, day 3 FSH and estrogen, and HSG.
And so that's the backstory... 9 years with ADHD and 20 months TTC.
I love DH dearly, and he loves me, but he just has no clue how frustrating it can be!
In all honesty, I never thought that I would write a blog, but recently I've been reading them and I think I've come to understand the point. Whether anyone reads this is not my concern. I'm hoping the the process will help me process and understand my feelings better.
So, I'm a stepmom. I started dating DH 9 years ago, when DSS was about 5. We go married 4 years ago, and DSS is not 14! How fast time flies. DSS is with us 50% of the time.
My parents divorced when I was 18, but they hadn't been happy for years and years before that. I told myself there was no point to marriage. But I met DH and my clear path in life became confused. I loved him and knew I wanted to marry him and love him forever. But I never expected I would take on the role of stepmother...
As I grew closer and closer to DH and DSS, it became apparent that DSS had some issues. DH thought it was due to ex-wife, as she was/is extremely permissive and didn't have clear rules, expectations, or discipline. Poor DH - he tried to create rules and discipline, but got told he was wrong so many time that he gave up (ex-wife - you need to watch Supernanny!!). After they separated, he started making some inroads, but it was slow going. At age 7, DSS wouldn't even sit at the table for the length of a meal. Some people suggested to me that it could be ADHD, but DH was convinced it was lack of parenting. We parented, we tried to be clear, I read book after book on ADHD and we incorporated many of those ideas into our home. There are still issues, but it's much better than it was.
A year ago, DSS was really struggling in school - keeping track of papers and homework had become nearly impossible for him due the increased demands of his middle school. He was so frustrated that he'd be in tears if you tried to discuss it. We hired a personal organizer with experience with ADHD to help out. And it did help -- it reduced missing assignments by about 60% over 6 months. Why didn't you take him to a doc and get real help, you ask? Because that is the obvious clear path to helping DSS through this. It took me a while to convince DH that was the right thing to do (he's pretty anti-medication, due to unknown potential longterm side effects). After I convinced him, he had to try to convince ex-wife (medications or changes recommended by a doc would need to be done in both homes). He'd tried to talk to her over the years about discipline, to no avail (big surprise as they couldn't agree on it when they were married). The talk about getting an ADHD evaluation failed dramatically. And so it goes - the clear path to helping DSS and reducing his and my frustrations is once again obscured).
So, that's part 1 - stepmom to a 14 year old with probably ADHD.
Part 2 - Infertility
2007 - Ongoing discussion of a child together, not sure when would be good timing.
Jan 2008 - preconception checkup at annual exam, just to make sure...
Spring 2008 - We threw out the birth control and condoms. On our way to the next phase! :)
Mar 2009 - annual exam, no pregancy yet. Dr suggest charting BBT and to come back after a couple charts/cycles. She also suggested a semen analysis for DH.
Mar 2009 - My first chart wasn't great - I hated the idea of setting the alarm a little before I woke up, as I wanted the sleep, So I didn't temp every day and the chart wasn't clear.
May 2009 - By now I'm temping consistently, but May is so wacko I don't understand the chart and think I must have screwed something up. DH finally does Semen Analysis - the report is fantastic (great - that means it's my fault!)
June-July 2009 - decent charts, but no baby.
Aug 2009 - family vacation (in a tent!) during the fertile period. Not happening this month, darn it.
Sept 2009 - I knew I should go back in to see Dr, but didn't want to admit to myself that I might be inferile. Produced a great looking chart.
Oct 2009 - Another great chart, no baby.
Oct 2009 - appt with Dr. Wow, she's confused. Charts look good. Clear biphasic shift, good luteal phase, etc, etc. Why aren't I pregnant by now? She faxes them to a RE at the reproductive clinic. RE suggests I come in for a consult, as I probably have "unexplained infertility".
Now let me just stop here and say I hate the words "unexplained infertility". All it means is that you aren't pregnant and they don't know why. If you know one thing about me, know that I dislike uncertainty. I like to plan so things go how they should. Nothing about unexplained infertility coincides with my nature or personality.
Dec 2009 - appt with RE. He reiterated it is likely unexplained infertility, which could be me or could be something about how compatible DH's semen is with me. Scheduled day 10 progesterone bloodwork, day 3 FSH and estrogen, and HSG.
And so that's the backstory... 9 years with ADHD and 20 months TTC.
I love DH dearly, and he loves me, but he just has no clue how frustrating it can be!
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